I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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