Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
