Just fell off a train. Bad.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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