I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
