I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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