my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
