I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
