mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
