walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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