I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
