My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
