I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
