To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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