I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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