apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
