at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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