He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
