i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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