my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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