ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
