Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
