1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
