My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just pynch a tree in the face
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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