if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
