He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
