i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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