so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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