He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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