I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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