tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
