the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
