just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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