do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
