YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
