just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
