So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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