I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
