great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
