obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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