Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
