at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
