i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
