one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
