My girlfriend figured out who you are.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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