super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
