I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
