Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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