I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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