Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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