2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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