i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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