yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
